The phone rang.

"It's Joy, over on Valley Avenue. There's a big white cat in my back yard! Come quickly if you can."

I threw on some flip flops, grabbed my keys, and tore over there. She was waiting for me in the driveway.

"Is he still here??"

"Shhh." She motioned for me to follow her.

I was shaking as I stood in her back yard. She pointed towards the woods, but I couldn't see anything.

"There.... can you see him? Just by that blue can."

Finally, I began to see some patches of white through the brush. He was crouching there, watching us.

"Sam?"

"Boo Boo? Come here baby."

He stood up, and circled deeper into the cover of the leaves. I remembered how disoriented Georgie was when I finally found her, so I didn't want to scare him away. I held up his bag of kitty treats, and called again to him softly.

As I began to inch closer to him, he spooked and began to creep further into the woods.

Oh God. What do I do?

I felt like I didn't have any choice but to go after him.

Still calling for him, telling him I had treats, telling him I was so, so sorry for losing him, I made my way into the thick woods behind Joy's house. Every now and then I could catch a glimpse of him watching me, but he kept turning and going further.

Please, God. Don't do this to me. Don't make me lose him now.

As the woods got thicker and there was no path to take, I began tearing through the trees and brush with no thought to where I was. I would find myself stepping on huge piles of dead leaves and sticks, and imagining that any second I was going to be victim to some creepy-crawly thing, or was going to end up with some six-inch spider sprawled across my forehead.

I just didn't fucking care.

At one point I got so deeply tangled in some sticker-brush that my blouse ripped.

Eventually I realized that I just couldn't see him anymore. I tried to go a little further, but at that point the foliage was so thick that I couldn't have seen him - even if he was right in front of me.

I finally found my way out of there, and sat down in Joy's backyard.

Why?

Why was this happening? Why would I be allowed to find him, only to have him run away from me? Was it even him??

I remembered the Hawk Lady.

Well, if her cat is inside right now, then that HAS to be Sam.

I drove to Hawk Lady's street, and began staking things out.... looking for any signs of "her" white cat. As I was beginning to give up, she pulled into her driveway.

Well, it's now or never. I walked up to her front door.

"Hi."

"Hi... Are you Paige?"

"Yes. "

I could see her giving me the once-over, and it was then that I realized that my arms and chest were bleeding.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I just really wanted to know if your cat was home. I've been chasing this white cat, and I don't know whose it is."

"Well, come in."

After looking briefly in the house, she told me that he was probably outside. "But he'll come to me if I call for him."

I followed her into her yard. As she began calling for him, I took a look around. I noticed that past her pool were more woods. And, as it turns out, those woods go for about half a mile, and lead directly to Valley Avenue.

As that bit of information sunk in, out of the corner of my eye I saw Sam running up to us. Only, it wasn't Sam. It was hers. Same size, same color, but not the same sweet face.

I left there with so many mixed emotions.... sadness, anger.... relief that at least I knew it wasn't Sam that was running from me.

That was six days ago, and in that time I've received calls from two other people about a white cat, but all of them from that same street.

It's taken me awhile to get to the point where I can write this, but I'm kind of looking at this entry as closure. It's been over three weeks, and I haven't had any word at all, except for calls identifying the wrong kitty.

I don't know if he's dead or alive, but at this point I just can't let myself think about it anymore. He's a strong little guy, and seems to have more lives than most kitties are supposed to.

I rescued him when he was a kitten, and in return he gave me five wonderful, fun-filled years.

I miss him terribly, but I'm so grateful for the time that he was mine.

Boo Boo... be safe, and be warm. Come home if you can, I love you.

feeling... acceptance

miss something?
goodbye my friend - 2005-04-29
out of the loop - 2005-04-09
a quest for clarity - part 1 - 2004-08-30
no plan for a sequel - 2004-08-27
slacker of the month - 2004-08-26