Saturday night's dinner turned into quite the event. As I mentioned Friday, there were twelve of us (four surgeons, two marketing, two engineers, and four sales reps) who went to this fantastic steakhouse on the outskirts of Detroit.

I made the mistake of offering the wine list to one of the surgeons, and ended up with a bill of $2500, with $1300 of that just wine and after-dinner drinks. I almost dropped a load when they handed me the check - and sure-as-shit Carl's going to when I ask him to sign my expense report.

We got back to the hotel around 11:30, and Jeff and I (one of the reps) decided that we wanted to go get another drink somewhere. He went to flag down a taxi as I said goodnight to the other surgeons.

So, this taxi driver takes us out to the middle of nowhere, and up ahead I see a glowing sign for Cheetahs. As the driver starts to slow down and pull in, I'm all... "Uh, dude? I don't think so."

Driver: "But this is where you wanted to go!"

Me: "Says who?"

Driver: "Says HIM!"

Jeff: "I was KIDDING!!"

Me: "JEFF!!!"

Turns out while Jeff was out flagging down the taxi, he made some off-handed remark about going to a hoochie bar, and the driver took him seriously.

We asked him to take us somewhere else.

Driver: "The closest place is twenty minutes away."

As it was twenty minutes in the opposite direction of our hotel, and it was already close to 12:30, and I had to meet the engineers at 7am, I decided fuck it.

Me: "All right, lets just go get a beer. But if you tell anybody you're DEAD!!"

He swore to keep my angelic reputation in tact, and we started in. I've only been to a strip club one other time in Memphis, and that place was so raunchy I swore I'd never go to another one. But, since this place was just topless, I figured it couldn't be too bad. I have to say, it really wasn't that bad at all.

We sat at some chairs alongside one of the side dance floors, and it was a bit uncomfortable at first just because I was about the only female in there. I was also sitting right next to the stairs the "dancers" used to get on stage, so I had the added pleasure of each of them asking me if I minded if they borrowed my table to keep their drinks on.

We were already feeling good when we went in there, so after a few more drinks we started getting silly. We started comparing the girls, and saying who were our favorites. At one point, Jeff started ribbing me about not tipping them.

Me: "Alright, I'll tip one of them a dollar."

Jeff: "A dollar? You can't tip her a dollar. That's insulting!"

Me: "Well how the hell was I supposed to know??"

So, I picked the one that I thought was the cutest and slipped a five dollar bill in her g-string.

Me: "Fine. I've done my part for the night. Now leave me alone and buy me another drink."

The dancer thanked me when she walked off the stage, and went to give the guy at the next table over a lap dance. I'm sorry... but I was fascinated.

Me: "So, how can you just sit there, in front of your friends, with some girl grinding her ass all over you?"

Jeff: "Well, actually I don't like lap dances."

Yeah, right.

Me: "So, do they like, just sit there with a boner all night or do they actually, um.... you know....?"

Jeff: "Well, I wouldn't know. I think it would be hard for me to get into it at all. But it looks like our buddy there's not having a problem."

I guess this poor idiot didn't realize that he had two people completely analyzing his every facial expression, but it was pretty hysterical.

The next thing I know, the dancer is standing over me.

Dancer: "Hi!"

Me: "Hey."

She plops down into my lap.

Me: "OH! Um, hi!"

Oh Dear Lord!!

Dancer: "I'm Tessa. What's your name?"

Me: "P."

Tessa: "Nice to meet you! Are you having a good time?"

Jeff: *snerk*

Me: "Oh.... Yeah! We're having a great time!"

Tessa: "I saw you watching me earlier."

Holy shit. Did he just get me to buy a lap dance???

Me: "Well, you're a great dancer."

I can't believe I just said that.

Tessa: "Thanks! I LOVE working here. Everybody's so great!"

Well, maybe she's just being friendly.

Me: "So, you must get kinda tired of giving lap dances, huh?"

Tessa: "Heh. Yeah, actually I do. But, they end up paying well because of tips."

Me: "So, do the guys actually blow their load while you're dancing?"

Jeff: *cough*

Tessa: "Well, most of them don't, but occasionally it happens. It's pretty embarrassing for everyone all around."

Me: "Yeah, I would think so."

We talked for several more minutes, just like we were old friends - her sitting in my lap the entire time and her naked little boobies just right there staring at me. I began to forget that Jeff was even there... Tessa and I were in our own little world.

Heh.

Don't worry, I didn't just get all lesbo on you. She was just a very pretty girl and I'm not afraid to admit it.

After a while she stood up to go dance another set. Needless to say... Jeff got a kick out of the whole thing.

Jeff: "Having fun??"

Me: "What??? She was nice!"

Jeff: "HA! Hey, I don't have a problem with it. No Siree Bob!!"

Me: "Whatever. You're just jealous. Come on, we need to go."

As I stood up to leave, she waved at me from the stage. Hee. As everyone in there turned around to look at me, I gave a little half wave and high-tailed it out of there.

feeling... I think she was in to me. Heh.
listening to... colorblind --counting crows
miss something?
goodbye my friend - 2005-04-29
out of the loop - 2005-04-09
a quest for clarity - part 1 - 2004-08-30
no plan for a sequel - 2004-08-27
slacker of the month - 2004-08-26