I started thinking this weekend that it's almost been a year since I started this diary. I was going pretty strong there for a while, then... who knows what happened?

Things change.

Beloved pets disappear, your job changes without warning, your friends get cancer. Your grandmother now confuses you with your six-year-old niece.

Sometimes when so much is happening, it's hard to know what to say.

I think I forgot why I started this in the first place. It wasn't about flexing my writing muscles, or trying to win a guest spot in the New Yorker. It was about MY thoughts, MY memories.

I certainly wasn't expecting to make friends through this experience, but that's exactly what happened. Even though I haven't been a very good friend in return lately.

I still have a box of Christmas cards sitting on my coffee table, with a list of people next to it that I plan to send them to. Like wedding presents, is there a date that it's just too late to send a Christmas Card??

Contrary to how I probably sound, I actually have a really good outlook for 2004.

No, really.

In December my job changed (again - unexpectedly), but this time it's more of a promotion. I have another new boss, Ira (of course, just when I was really starting to like working for Carl). But I'm just taking it in stride, knowing that everything could change again in six months.

The travel looks like it may ease up a bit this year, which is a REALLY good thing. With the new position I'll have a lot more international travel, but it's spread out much more, and not constantly back and forth. I've already got trips planned to Portugal, Australia, and Japan. (Yes, I'm bragging.... YES I'm excited!) Hee!

So, with the professional life looking up, that just leaves that teeny, tiny segment of my life that I call social.

This is GONNA be my year, dammit!!

If I have to hog-tie some guy in my basement until he submits, I am GONNA see some action this year.

You heard it here first.

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Today I'm in SPM (Super Panic Mode), because our company's National Sales Meeting begins in two days in Orlando. The way it works is they divide the sales force (approx 250) into eight groups, and they rotate through hour-long "breakout sessions". Because of the new job, my product is featured in one of the eight breakouts.

I have to give a 25 minute presentation, but I have to do it EIGHT TIMES. Take a massive fear of public speaking, and magnify that by about 200, and you will have an idea of how I feel right now.

Couple that with the fact that up until today, SPM stood for Super Procrastination Mode, and that I still haven't finished my goddamn presentation.

Oy.

My brain is reacting to all of this fear by telling me to just avoid the presentation. At all costs. Seriously, my stomach starts to lurch everytime I open powerpoint.

I know that everything has always had a way of just coming together before, as procrastination isn't exactly a new concept for me. However, I've never wanted to curl up in the fetal postion before when I finally did decide to start working on something.

I think I may be in trouble here.

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I know that this might be shocking to some of you, but you will start seeing MUCH more regular updates. (Fair warning.... a lot of it will end up being about work, but HEY, that's pretty much all I do.)

It'll all pay off for you when you get to read about the hog-tying. Because I am VERY serious about that.

Happy New Year!

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ETA... I just went to post this, and noticed the all-too-familiar signs of neglecting Diaryland for too long. You know the ones - the completely red buddy list.... a couple of new notes that you didn't know were there because your $%@&* diaryland comment/note notification is no longer working (grrrrr)....

Then I noticed the one thing that was truly shocking, and has completely put me to shame. Two of said neglected friends have done nothing short of put my face on a milk carton.

After laughing uncontrollably - I mean - hanging my head in shame, I realized that life is too short. It's NEVER too late to send Christmas cards!

feeling... loved!
listening to... live 2003 - coldplay
still reveling... Lauren is EVIL!!! yay! miss something?
goodbye my friend - 2005-04-29
out of the loop - 2005-04-09
a quest for clarity - part 1 - 2004-08-30
no plan for a sequel - 2004-08-27
slacker of the month - 2004-08-26