the interview
2003-08-04, 9:23 p.m.
The premise is that someone asks you five original questions which you will answer in your diary. You'll then respond to anyone who asks YOU for an interview by asking them five original questions that you come up with.
The following questions were given to me by Gump, who has also been kind enough to volunteer to ask any of my readers their questions if they want to be interviewed.
I know that this is cheating, but most of you have already been interviewed by someone anyway, so I don't feel THAT badly about it. Plus, it has taken me forever to find the time to answer these, and I don't want to leave anyone hanging.
So, without further ado.... my interview by Gump.
1)Why Diaryland? What the hell brought you here, and what are the things that let you stick with it? What will make you stop?
I had never even heard of online journaling a year ago. I kept myself busy and entertained by reading the recaps at TWoP, and would occasionally venture over to damn hell ass kings to read these funny "sites" that were updated daily.
Most of them had their own domain, but I began to notice that a few that I read regularly had the diaryland domain.
In particular, I really enjoyed Heather's diary. She made me laugh, made me cry, and sounded like someone I would be friends with if I knew her in real life. Her's was one of the ones on diaryland, and I decided to check it out so that I could possibly have something else to use as a timewaster.
It didn't take longer than a couple of weeks for me to really come to enjoy it. I was completely surprised when I started getting feedback, and especially regular readers. I discovered that I am indeed an attention whore. But more important than the feedback, are the friends that I've made in the five months I've been here. You know who you are.
What would keep me away? I really can't think of anything... I really am enjoying writing as much as I can, and I think that it has helped me in several ways I wouldn't have even realized. I don't have a very good memory - Whether the result of too many head injuries or too many college keg parties - I have no idea. But it's fun for me to go back and read something I wrote even just four months ago. It's almost like reading someone else's diary sometimes...
2) What the worst thing that happens in your 20�s. What the best thing? What�s something from your youth you wish you could have now? What�s something that you are glad to be rid of?
The worst thing was the death of my grandfather. In an attempt to "spare me" from worrying, my mother didn't tell me that he had cancer. I received a phone call saying I needed to come to Mississipp - that he wouldn't make it through the night. Since I didn't even know he was sick, I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. He smiled when I walked in the door, and died an hour later with my hand in his.
As far as the best thing, I actually saved this question for last, because honestly? I can't really remember. And I don't mean that in a "woe is me" kind of way... just in a "I really should be taking some ginko biloba" kind of way.
I wish that I could've kept some of the energy that I had before I hit my late-twenties, because I certainly kept my nocturnal habits and beer-drinking capacity. It just doesn't work well with my schedule and lifestyle.
What I'm glad to be rid of is my fear of leaving home. I wasted several years working for a person I hated, only because I was afraid to move away by myself. When the choice was finally taken away from me, it forced my hand into leaving everything I knew and trusting in myself. I've never been happier.
3)You probably have friends that get on your case about being single. What do you tell them? What�s the best part about it? What is the worst part about it? When you were 20 where did you see at this age? Are you happy or sad about your answer?
Wow, good one.
I really don't have a lot of friends who give me grief about it. If anything, it's casual acquaintances or people I just meet who think I must be wasting my life not having someone to share it with. Anyone who really knows me knows that I've never had to be That Girl who needed a guy in her life to be happy. If anything, some of my closer friends used to make bets on when I would finally settle down and date someone for more than a few months.
The good: I'm a very independent and private person, and I like doing my own thing, and not having to check in with anyone or ask "permission" to do something. I know that not all relationships are like that... I'm just saying, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Another nice thing, especially with my current job, is the ability to take off and travel whenever I need to. It would be harder to do that if I was in a relationship, or else I would have to have a pretty understanding guy.
It would be nice to have someone to come home to every day - I just fear that I would tire of it, if only because I'm so unused to it.
The bad: On the other hand, my work schedule doesn't give me much opportunity to actually meet someone, even if I wanted to. People make the comment that I should "marry a nice surgeon", but that's not exactly the point of my job. Plus, I know too many of them at this point... I don't think so.
Another 'bad' is that even though I'm independent, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm responsible. I haven't changed my oil in over a year, I lose absolutely everything, and my diet really leaves a lot to be desired.
Yeah, I think it would be cool to hang with someone that would make up for the things I'm not absolutely perfect at. Like being a grownup.
When I was 20, I definately thought that I would be married with kids by now. It wasn't even a question. But the older I got, the further away the idea of having a family became. Not because I thought I couldn't have a family and a career at the same time, but more because I just didn't feel old enough or responsible enough.
Honestly, I never met anyone with whom it was even a possibility. And yes, that part of the answer does sadden me. Mostly because I'm not sure of the reason why. Am I too picky? Do I have a fear of commitment? Am I unlovable? Or am I simply just not ready yet?
Maybe it's a little of all of those things. I'm not ready, though, to give up on finding someone. I think however it happens, it's just going to catch me by surprise.
4)What are the 10 best places you have visited in your travels? Where do you want to settle down?
I'm sure I'll think of some better ones after I post this, but these are the first ones that come to mind. (in no particular order)
Breckinridge, CO - The mountains are beautiful, and the village (covered in white lights) looks like something out of a fairy tale.
San Diego - The weather there is always incredible, and I love the San Diego Zoo. Obviously there's the ocean and the marina that I could stare at all day.
Maui - I had such a great time, and it was probably the most beautiful clear water I've ever seen. The best part was snorkeling and staring at all of the beautiful, color fish.
Savannah - With the old Victorian houses and the hanging trees and moss, it's beauty makes me almost sad for some reason.
Annapolis - Sailboats... as far as the eye can see.
Jackson Hole, WY - Breathtakingly beautiful. The Snake River, the mountains, the open sky, the wildlife. Definately where I would want a second home if I could afford one.
Bordeaux - The chateaus and vineyards are incredible. All of the city's building's are made of stone, and any alley you walk down will lead you to a beautiful church or monument.
Seattle - Every time I've been, the weather's been perfect. I must be visiting there the one week out of the year that it doesn't rain. The views are gorgeous in every direction.
Venice Beach - The beach at sunset, the rollerbladers, the vendors up and down the strip. It was heaven.
Probably my favorite place that I've visited is Washington D.C. I used to go all the time, and never once did I take the time to walk through a museum or visit a monument. It wasn't until one of the surgeons who saw me there every year got me to admit that I had never been to anything, that I went with him to several monuments and the American History Museum. The whole experience was so moving and humbling at the same time. How little I knew about our country, the wars that were fought, and the people who fought in them made me ashamed and want to cry.
In fact, I did cry... particularly at the Vietnam Memorial. Looking at the hundreds of thousands of names, and at the flowers and notes that people were still leaving, was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. It was the beginning of my desire to learn as much as I can about American history.
Where do I want to settle down? Anywhere that I'm happy. Near the water would be preferable, as I think you could probably guess by most of my favorite places.
5) What is your single greatest fear about your life right now? What is your greatest hope? Do you think things turn out for the best? What exhilarates you still to this day?
Fair warning... this answer will more than likely venture into the "deep" end, and I'm not sure if I've got enough swimmies to go around.
I think my greatest fear is that I really don't have much capacity for love. It would take way more than this entry, and the recounting of hours of therapy to explain that answer, but I'm afraid of why I've never been able to tell my mother that I love her, or why I haven't seen my father in over five years (and don't care), or why I don't want to visit my grandmother who was just put in a nursing home in Mississippi.
I could tell you that I don't want to visit my grandmother because I want to remember her as I do now, not wasted away and hateful from the Alzheimers. I could tell you that my father never made any effort to see me, and never took any interest in my life except to criticize. I could also tell you that I know that I DO love my mother, even if I can't tell her. Because even through all of her faults, and all of the times I've hated her for her actions, she never did anything but love me. I could tell you those things, but is that really all there is to it?
That's what scares me. That I really don't know.
Maybe that's why I love animals so much. Because they love you unconditionally, and will never do anything hurtful or leave you intentionally.
My greatest hope is that one day I will find real love with someone else, and that I'll have the happiness that my grandparents had. I do think that things happen for a reason, and if it's not meant to be for me to have a husband, and especially children, then I'd much rather be alone than end up in a loveless relationship or have a child who grows up hating me.
Bonus: Do you prefer music or movies? Musicals or Comedy Shows? Dinner out or Dinner in?
I prefer movies, because I love a good story. I'm a very visual person, and I love to laugh, to cry, and to imagine myself in the story as it's being shown.
I definately prefer comedy over anything else. I love to laugh, and I love making people laugh.
Dinner out or dinner in... it's all good as long as you're in good company.
Whoa, that took a really long time (considering I started answering these on Friday.) Thanks, Gump, for such thoughtful and insightful questions. You're a great interviewer!
So if anyone wants five questions that you can answer in your diary, ask Gump... he's the Interviewing King.
watching... animal planet (military dogs)
wondering... if anyone will actually read this entire entry
goodbye my friend - 2005-04-29
out of the loop - 2005-04-09
a quest for clarity - part 1 - 2004-08-30
no plan for a sequel - 2004-08-27
slacker of the month - 2004-08-26