This week is the monster's birthday. I don't know the day for sure, but I know that she was just a few weeks old when my boss at the time saw the word "sucker" on my forehead and told me about this "sweet little kitten" she was trying to find a home for.

She told me that there was a man in her neighborhood whose cat had had kittens, and that he had put them outside and was just going to let them die. Well, of course I was having none of that, so I drove out to hicksville to "save" her.

I think it was all a trick. Kinda like those "I'm a twelve-year-old second hand smoke cancer patient" emails you get.

I think she was Norene's kitten all along, and she just realized what an absolute beast Georgie was. Even at four weeks old.

We had a little photo shoot yesterday on the deck... George was taking direction pretty well, doing the "I'm Too Sexy" poses and everything, but eventually she tired of it. Here're a couple that I got...

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY, MY LITTLE PISSER!!

Mommy loves you anyway.

---

Speaking of horrible pets, my neice has a parakeet named Lucy that actually is the Spawn of Satan. They've had her for about four years, and she just gets more and more evil every time I see her.

I used to feel pity for her.... actually, I still do - because she was so tortured by having a 3 year old little girl "love" on her that she just became psycho. She stopped letting anyone pet her, and every time anyone would stick his hands in to feed her or anything, she would just start gnawing away.

I used to try to get through to her when I'd see her at holidays. Me being the animal lover and all... I just couldn't accept that any living creature wouldn't fall for my soothing charms. Night after night I'd steadily hold my finger up to her, speaking to her gently... all the while getting little plugs of skin taken out of my knuckles.

And laughed at by my nephews.

Yes, the Spawn of Satan.

Today, my mom sent me an email saying that last week Lucy was in her cage out on the deck (why? no idea...) and a squirrel jumped on the cage, knocked it over (causing the bottom to fall out of it) and Lucy flew away.

First of all, heh! (Sorry... the visual!!)

My sister said that Bethany (now seven) wrote a little story about how Lucy is a mean bird, but that she still prays for her every night.

Then, my mom forwarded a "song" that Zachary (thirteen) wrote. Needless to say, Zachary hates Lucy. I think it's worth quoting in its entirety.

Picture yourself in a cage on the table
with poop in your drink and bars near your eyes
suddenly squirrels are knocking you over
and you fly so incredibly high

Skies of blue and trees of green
towering over your head
fly toward the sky with the cage behind and your gone

Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
oh...oh

Picture yourself on the boughs of a tree
with the wind in your face
and mirth in your eyes
suddenly demons are calling you upward
up so incredibly high

The demon inside you just tempts you to fly
fly and keep flying away
turn back to look at your food and your home and your gone

Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
oh...oh

Picture yourself away lost in the city
as you hunger for food you began to cry
and as the cruel demon is laughing inside you
you fall from the sky and you die

Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
Lucy in the sky with demons
oh...oh

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Heeeeheehee. Whew!

That poor little bird.

No, seriously.

feeling... the boy has talent!
listening to... the jib jab presidential song - hysterical!
miss something?
goodbye my friend - 2005-04-29
out of the loop - 2005-04-09
a quest for clarity - part 1 - 2004-08-30
no plan for a sequel - 2004-08-27
slacker of the month - 2004-08-26